3 Things I’ve Learned Today #3 (Using Writing To Release Anxiety, How To Know Someone’s Character, How To Truly Help Others)
Writing Releases Anxiety and Helps Scrutinize Negative Thoughts
Writing is easy: all you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until the drops of blood form on your forehead.
— Gene Fowler
Writing isn’t that hard. At least, if you give yourself time to adjust and become more disciplined. The more you do something, the more natural it will feel for you every time you return to it.
The white page that opens up on Medium after pressing “New Story” doesn’t intimidate me as much anymore. I like to leave it open in a tab because I know I’ll have to go back and write something. This way, whenever I’m distracting myself, I can be consciously aware of the blank page waiting for me, building a slow and painful anxiety that will soon push me to either give up or tackle it.
When the anxiety grows, I take it as a sign to stop procrastinating and take action. I find that it usually subsides as soon as I get to work and start writing. If you pay attention to what you’re thinking while procrastinating, you will see that you are constantly feeding yourself negative thoughts without being conscious of it.
You accept all these thoughts without filter and give in to your fears. Many of us are not mentally strong enough to fight against it, but with practice you can notice these moments of vulnerability and know that the best solution is to move and disrupt your negative state of mind.
Walk around the house, drink some water, eat something, read a book, exercise, and when your thoughts have subsided, go immediately to work and pour out your thoughts. Don’t be scared that it’s not going to be good and that no one is going to care about it. All you need to do is start and see where it goes.
You’ll often find that writing will be a therapeutic experience for you and you will feel much better seeing your thoughts on paper. From there, you can scrutinize it and see how ridiculous your thoughts really were. You don’t actually believe the things you think about yourself. You just needed to vent and release the thoughts and emotions you have been holding back.
“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, melancholia, the panic and fear which is inherent in a human situation.”
— Graham Greene
How To Find Out A Person’s True Nature
Many of us wear masks when interacting with other people. Only we know what we are truly like behind closed doors.
We know all the flaws and insecurities we have.
We know all the crazy and horrific thoughts we think every day, but if we dared to reveal even a sliver of what we as a society deem as “abnormal” thoughts, we are judged, disliked and outcasted.
We know all of the jealousy, envy, greed, pride, wrath that lives inside of us, and yet we try our best to put the best version of ourselves out there when meeting other fellow twisted, flawed and suffering humans.
Of course, this is the only way a society functions. Without masks, rules and general decency, we would be no different from apes; acting on impulse and primal desires and unable to live together without attempting to tear each other to shreds.
Knowing that we are all going through life with various masks, it makes it harder to see if people truly are who they present themselves to be. Are your friends who they say they are? Are the people around you truly honest and trustworthy, as they display themselves to be?
How do we find out the true nature of these people?
- You watch their actions, instead of listening to their words
Let’s say you have a friend who you believe is trustworthy and loyal. He can act like he is the most reliable person you will ever know. He can say things that will persuade you and make you believe he’ll always be there when you need him. He can tell you that he will always be there to back you up and save you when you need help.
One day, you really need his help. You’ve fallen on some hard times and you need a place to stay and a warm meal. You call him and you ask if you could crash at his place. He hangs up on you and proceeds to block you on every form of communication. He no longer wants to have anything to do with you. You provide no value to him, and at this point you are simply a burden.
People who live without conviction to their principles crumble under pressure. Their loyalties lie nowhere. If they’re placed in a situation where something important to them is at stake, more often than not they will abandon everything to save it. These are the moments when they show their true colors.
People can talk all they want, but they act out what they truly believe.
If they want to become a millionaire, they will work endlessly and tirelessly to achieve their goals every day.
If they want to become a famous writer, they will study and practice the craft every day.
If they want to become fit and healthy, they will stick to exercising and eating right every day.
All these quotes like “talk the talk and walk the walk” seem cliché but they carry wisdom. Don’t listen to what others tell you about themselves. If you really want to see who they are, you watch their actions.
“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”
— Carl Jung
How To Truly Help Others
“When you educate someone, you teach them how to use language to arm them, straighten them out, organize them, elevate them and you ennoble them, and then they’re not misshapen half-carved blocks of humanity — people that can stand up, stand around and maneuver through the world, contribute properly to the community and keep the world oriented between chaos and order.” — Jordan B. Peterson
If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach him how to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. (Apparently the origin of this quote is controversial, not sure who to credit it to…)
To truly help someone face their fears and become independent, you don’t do things for them. You have to teach them how to take care of themselves. You have to let them fall and get back up by themselves.
They may try to give up and want to be babied by you (doesn’t even have to be a child, could be a full grown adult with a demeanor of a child), but you must have the heart and discipline to only help them help themselves.
You know that the more you coddle them, the harder it is for them to do things for themselves. The best thing you can do for them is to arm them with the necessary skills and weapons to go out into the world.
You can only hold their hand for so long before they learn to walk by themselves. You can only stabilize their bikes for so long before they ride off confidently down the road.
You have to know when to let go.
Psychologists don’t help patients get over their fears or traumas by teaching them some psychological trick or hypnotizing them. They have no influence over what goes on inside the other person’s mind. The only thing they can do is to support them and teach them how to confront their fears by themselves.
They teach them that the only way to overcome your fears is to confront them. They teach them how to tackle not only this specific fear, but all types of fears.
This is because, inevitably, there will be countless of other problems that the patient will face going through life, and if they are armed and mentally capable of taking on any challenges, they will never have to be dependent ever again.
I say “armed” because life is a battlefield, and all sorts of enemies will come at you with swords and weapons to destroy you. Having a sturdy weapon and shield for the things to come will help you minimize the suffering and will strengthen you to fend for yourself.
You will no longer be a victim, and grow to be a strong, wise and independent individual. You can never become what you could become if you stay weak, vulnerable and defenseless like a baby.
And when you become someone who can help yourself, you will be able to help those who cannot.
And you, like the one who came before you and taught you to fend for yourself, will be the pillar of support for those who are too scared to confront their fears. You can help humanity by making just one person a little bit better, a little more confident.
To truly help someone is to teach them to help themselves.
